I was sweating under my blanket and it wasn’t because of the leftover summer heat.
How could I have made the situation different? How could I have walked away without leaving a bad taste in their mouths? What should have I done to make them like me?
The night hours ticked away as I fought a bloody battle with my thoughts.
If you haven’t caught on by now: I have an overwhelming fear of man. I want people to love me and delight in me. I want to be the desired friend, the confidant, the one to diffuse tension in a situation.
But that night, my heart was pounding so hard that I could feel the bed shaking along with it. And all because of a negative reaction that felt like a personal attack.
More hours passed before I was able to stop “problem-solving” and surrender. My heart, now guarded by God’s peace, relaxed until I could no longer feel the oppressive beating. And I fell asleep.
Not every wave of people-pleasing is like this for me. Sometimes, I feel invincible to others’ opinions because I’m too tired or too stubborn to bend anymore. Other times, I never surrender and spend days or weeks in agony, enslaved to another’s opinion and trying to think up ways to wriggle myself back into their good graces.
Can you identify? Are you a people-pleaser too?
I don’t have a once-and-done solution for us. Or even five easy steps to follow.
Recently, in talking with a friend, I realized that this area of my life is slowly changing. It may always be a struggle for me, but by God’s grace, it will no longer be my prison.
Next week, I’ll tell you a bit of my ongoing journey. And maybe you can tell me a little of yours too.
My Thoughts From Afar | 