Everyday insanity

A loud voice burst behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder before I could stop myself. 

I recognized the man. I’d often seen him wandering the streets while talking at high decibels. Usually, he wore the same outfit: a too-tight, long-sleeved white T-shirt, tan pants, and a disposable mask. 

The first few times I had seen him, I had glanced around to find the second half of the heated discussion. Someone behind him? Someone above, leaning over a balcony railing? But then I realized the other participant was invisible. The man was talking to the voice in his head. 

As our paths crisscrossed today, his loud monologue slid into song with one of the most guttural singing voices I had ever heard. It began with the quality of a deep belch and moved into a haunting tune, with an almost flamenco sway. But different. 

Captivated, I had to force myself to keep walking. 

The church plaza was full of elderly gentlemen with canes and audacious pigeons that only fluttered away when they realized I wasn’t planning to step around them. As I started down the street to the supermarket, I crossed paths with another man. This man was also bellowing a one-sided conversation at an invisible participant. 

What distinguished this man from the one I had just left behind? Did that tiny black device nestled in his ear give him license to be publicly lost in his own world?

Maybe it’s just because I’m growing older, but sometimes I find it odd that the things that used to send people to asylums have become part of our everyday lives.

There isn’t much that separates us

The public health clinic was teeming with people. Where was she?

“Over here!” My friend waved me over to a corner of the waiting room. She rushed to explain her health problem, pointing to various body parts while keeping an eye on the door where she was to go as soon as her number was called.

My breathless mind tried to keep up with her Arabic. I was still drumming up passable Spanish vocabulary when her number was called.

We squeezed around an old shopping cart piled high with unsupervised medical supplies and stepped into the consultation room.

“What is the problem?”

I took a deep breath and launched into an unrehearsed explanation. Interpreting between two foreign languages is always a workout for me, and not a flattering one.

The lady at the desk was silent until I paused. Then she said, “You both realize that I’m a nurse, not a doctor, right?” 

Actually, no. I had never been beyond the door in this particular public health clinic.

“Look, the only thing I can do is test and see if she still has the infection.” She handed my friend one of those flimsy plastic cups we use at children’s parties for juice or Jell-O. “Urinate in here and bring it back to me.”

Apparently dismissed, we squeezed around the shopping cart and wandered around the building in search of restrooms. Misplaced people were milling everywhere in a warm, concrete facility that smelled of metal and sweat. 

We eventually found the almost unmarked restroom, nestled between consultation rooms. Then back down the long hallway we went, my friend trying to hide her cup of pee in a plastic bag she’d dug out of her purse. “There wasn’t any paper in there to wrap the cup,” she said. “I don’t want everyone here to see it.”

We wiggled around the overflowing shopping cart again. The nurse stretched on a pair of gloves, stuck a testing strip into the urine, and told us to wait outside. My friend turned and left, still holding her cup.

“Uh… can she throw away the urine?” I asked. 

While I was still verifying this with the nurse-not-doctor, my friend lost her way and, unable to read, ended up in the men’s restroom. There was an unsettled man waiting outside when I arrived on the scene. “This is for men,” he said in Arabic when my friend emerged.

We found seats in the waiting room. As much as I love to people-watch, it was hard to look around without feeling absolutely hopeless. Did anyone in the healthcare system really care about these people?

As we waited, the lady next to us asked if her number was on the screen yet. She couldn’t read; she could only hear the tone and see the digits move without understanding what they meant. I looked at her tiny slip of paper, the kind of ticket you get while waiting in line for olives at the market. It was hard to see that wisp of green-blue and not see my own personalized number on a freshly printed ticket from the private health clinic across the street. My initials followed by 524. Always the same. Always announced over the speaker while I sat in the air-conditioned waiting room. 

Her number was 254. The number on the screen was 272. “It’s past,” I explained. By a good half hour, likely. She walked up to the desk and was sent to get another number and start the process again. 

Meanwhile, my friend and I were called back into the consultation room. The overflowing shopping cart had been removed and this time we could walk in without yoga posing our way through the doorway.

The nurse told me, “Tell her that she still has an infection, but she needs to finish the week of antibiotics she got yesterday.”

Oh.

That was a piece of information I had been missing. My friend had apparently just been to the emergency room the day before, but wasn’t satisfied with the lingering pain from the infection. As if one dose of antibiotics should have removed her aching like magic.

It was hard to look at the nurse sitting at her desk and not feel absolutely hopeless for her. Was this what she dealt with day after day? Confused immigrants expecting or even demanding immediate fixes without understanding her role as a nurse, not a doctor or a magician?

My friend and I walked toward home. She pulled me into a North African store and bought a bag of fresh figs: big, purple, and sweet. On the street again, she handed me the bag. “I got these for you because you helped me today.”

We sat on the front steps of my apartment building until the hopelessness of the morning faded with chatter and laughter. Deep down, there isn’t as much that separates us as we sometimes imagine.

Foodie nights

This summer, I was encouraged to add recreational activities to my regular schedule. “What do I enjoy doing?” I asked myself. My default pleasure activity has always been reading, any free time passing with my nose in a book. But surely that wasn’t all I enjoyed.

Then I remembered that I like puttering around in the kitchen when I have purpose but no pressure. The remembrance felt like walking into the embrace of a dear friend, so when I returned to Spain, I determined to make time for recreational cooking.

Roughly every other weekend, but sometimes in another available time here or there, I plan a time for recreational cooking. I call it a “foodie night,” but mostly just to myself because, truth be told, I’m not a foodie; I just like trying a new recipe now and then without the pressure of it needing to turn out.

The foodie night process starts long before the evening I get to try out a new recipe. It starts with ideas–maybe an ingredient I see that I didn’t know I could get here in Spain, or something someone else mentions they made. Then I hunt down a recipe, gather ingredients from hither and yon around town (and invent substitutions for those I can’t find). And maybe the recipe requires a little prep beforehand. At last, foodie night arrives, and I pull out my collection of ingredients, turn on some music, and take my time.

Here’s what I’ve made so far:

  1. Miso soup ⭐
  2. Spring rolls with shrimp, cucumber, carrot, and mint dipped in peanut sauce ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  3. Miso soup again ⭐
  4. Gelatin gummies ⭐
  5. 100% Rye bread, recipe #1 ⭐
  6. Sugar-free chocolate mousse ⭐⭐⭐⭐
  7. 100% Rye bread again, recipe #2 ⭐⭐
  8. 100% Rye bread for the third time, recipe #3 ⭐⭐

Perhaps the stars say it all. They surely tell you that you’re glad you weren’t around to taste test!

I decided that miso is an acquired taste that I don’t feel like acquiring. Or maybe I chose the wrong recipes to try. Who knows? The only thing the spring rolls were missing was more shrimp. My tight-wad amount of shrimp was masked by the show-stealing peanut sauce. The gelatin gummies were a nice thought, but just tasted like bland finger Jell-O. And then began the rye bread saga. The flavor was right every time…but I was always disappointed by the incredible density that made it more chewy than pleasurable. The last loaf puffed promisingly in the oven, but collapsed when I removed it. The chocolate mousse was a modest success, but only with myself since I didn’t share it with anyone. 

Although many of these attempts didn’t turn out like I had envisioned, it doesn’t really matter. The joy of the process was exactly what I had envisioned.

“Savor” to “survive” and back again

Last year, I succumbed to the pressure of choosing a word for the year. Many find this practice useful, helping them to reestablish their life’s purpose and set achievable goals and the like. I, however, have never found it particularly helpful, typically forgetting my chosen word by mid-February at the latest. 

But, like I said, last year I succumbed again. After sorting through a list of candidates, I selected “savor.” My choice came from a desperate attempt to hang on to the shreds that life was offering me. 

Ironically, I didn’t forget my word last year. But I watched as it morphed from “savor” to “survive.” That change stung because it didn’t even feel like a choice.

I survived the coming summer heat, physical exhaustion, the hours upon hours of traveling, coordination, public speaking, and the other things I don’t typically enjoy. I smiled as I networked and made new connections and friends and caught up with dear old friends. I was glad…but savor? No. I felt like I was clutching at the precious moments as they passed by.

So here I am at the beginning of a new year, analyzing the last one and seeing that, in its own way, last year was indeed something I could savor. The moments still slipped by too quickly, but their accumulation brought healing. That frantic juggling of a schedule allowed me to see a doctor and finally get some answers. Those times with friends squeezed into my trips and around my trips gave me the input and support I desperately needed. And the list goes on.

So I look back on 2023 and savor the memories because I am a little more mature, a little more like Jesus because of the stories of last year. 

That said, I think I’ll refrain from choosing a word for 2024; it’s too much pressure!

What about you? Have you chosen a word for this year?

Recipe: Summer lentil-quinoa salad

This is one of my favorite summer recipes this year. I eat it as a meal, so one recipe equals two servings for me. If you serve it as a side, you’ll probably get more like 4-6 servings.

  • 1/2 c. uncooked lentils
  • 1 1/2 c. bone broth or water
  • 1/2 c. uncooked quinoa
  • 1 c. bone broth or water
  • 1 med. cucumber, diced
  • 1 sm.-med. bell pepper, diced (red is best, but I use whatever color I have available)
  • 1/4 red onion, chopped
  • 2 Tbsp. fresh cilantro, chopped

Wash lentils and then soak for a few hours. Cook them in 1 1/2 c. bone broth or water (if using water, add a bay leaf). Set aside and allow to cool. Rinse quinoa well and cook in 1 c. bone broth or water. Set aside and allow to cool.

Meanwhile, chop cucumber, pepper, onion and cilantro. When the lentils and quinoa are cooled, add veggies and mix well.

Dressing:

  • 3 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
  • 1-2 tsp. lemon zest
  • 2 Tbsp. fresh-squeezed lemon juice
  • 1 garlic clove, minced
  • 1 tsp. Dijon mustard
  • 1 tsp. honey
  • salt and pepper, to taste

Whisk together dressing ingredients. Stir into the salad.

Allow to chill for several hours before serving. This is probably the most important step! You really want those flavors to meld or the salad won’t taste right.

Note: You can change out the veggies–maybe tomatoes or broccoli. You could even add some cheese. Just make sure that the proportions stay the same so you don’t end up with a dry, unwanted salad languishing in the depths of your refrigerator.

Recipe: Buckwheat bread

It wasn’t until the doctor suggested I try a month of gluten-free that I began to crave bread. And pastries. And pasta. Erg. Even though it turns out that I am not gluten-intolerant or even sensitive, my gluten-less month grew my creativity. This buckwheat bread was one of my favorite takeaways, a recipe I still make although I can eat all the bread, pastries, and pasta I want! (Oddly enough, I don’t even want them anymore.)

This buckwheat bread is a quick-bread, really, and it takes almost no effort. I really like the kefir component–it seems to make the gluten-free texture just a tad springier. I realize, however, that not everyone has kefir fermenting on their countertop, so plain Greek yogurt may also work. Note though, that your kefir substitute should be something that you can substitute for a fat since this recipe has no oil.

  • 2 ¼ c. (270g) buckwheat flour
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 2 eggs
  • ¾ c. milk kefir
  • 2 Tbsp. honey

Mix dry ingredients. Add eggs, kefir, and honey. Mix well.

Pour into greased and flour-dusted bread pan. Bake at 350° F. (180° C) for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Note that baking time may vary with the size of your bread pan. Also note that the yeast-less loaf will remain a small, quick-bread size and be a little crumbly because of the absence of gluten.

Allow to cool before slicing. I love using this recipe for small sandwiches or simply topped with strawberry jam.

brown bread slice with red jam

A different 2023

How will 2023 be different for me?

I like to imagine that this year I will have it all together… whatever “it” is. 

I will eat better, walk straighter, live unstressed, except now and then when my body is due for a good ol’ adrenaline rush. I will invest more deeply in the friends I have. Care more and help to carry the burdens I sometimes ignore because I just can’t handle theirs and mine. I will write more…and better, of course. 

All of those ideas are good and hopeful. But today, as I sat down at my makeshift desk in my makeshift guest room and wrote about my relationship with God, I wondered: How is it that I can spend so much time with Someone and still know Him so little? And misunderstand Him so much–often not grasping His big picture nor sharing His heart for those around me?

Healthy eating, straight walking, unstressed living, friend investment, and better writing are helpful goals. But, I want knowing God to be the big focus–the all-encompassing focus–for me this year.

That’s how I want 2023 to be different.

Recipe: smoky pulled chicken

This is one of my go-to recipes when I can’t think of what to make for guests. Or when I have shredded chicken in the freezer from when I needed the bones for broth.

I usually make the recipe from a whole chicken, but I’m sure chicken breasts would work just as well.

  • 1 1/2 Tbsp. smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. cumin
  • pinch of red pepper or cayenne
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 3 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
  • 1 lemon or lime, juiced

Mix ingredients and stir with:

  • 1 lb. chicken, cooked and shredded

Allow to marinate several hours. Sear in a frying pan before serving. Great for chicken tacos or as a salad topper.

plate of tacos and veggies